FF: Cures for Insomnia Part 1
Title: Cures for Insomnia Part 1 (of 2)
Authors: Caz & Quaggy
Category: Post-Ep for Artic Radar
Disclaimer: I do not own The West Wing or any West Wing characters.
Rating: PG-13
Notes: I never thought I would collaborate on fic before. It seemed too complicated. But ![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
caz963 and I seem to share a braincell and we were both taken with the concept, though we were fond of different endings. So, we shared writing duties for Part 1 and shamelessly stole the idea of “choose your own ending” from Yana…. but that comes into play later. A big thank you to coloneljack for making sure that Caz and I weren’t speaking in our own little language and HUGE thank you to Caz for letting me share the writing duty on this. I totally owe you one!
Rolling onto her back, she looked up at the ceiling – and tried not to think about the other things she could be doing whilst lying on her back looking up at the ceiling.
Not helping!
This was stupid, she told herself. She was never going to get to sleep thinking like this. What she needed to do was to calm down, think about the problem rationally and devise a solution. Then she’d be able to sleep.
Okay, so – rationally – what was the problem?
Technically, there wasn’t one. She’d gone out tonight on her first real date in ages. Her last relationship – if one could call a handful of dates and some pretty good sex a relationship – had fizzled out at the beginning of the year and there hadn’t been anyone since, which meant that it was…
How long??
She didn’t want to think about that. It wasn’t that she was sexually frustrated – well, she was, just a little bit – but if that was all it was, then she knew she’d have no problem picking up some random gomer – random guy – she corrected – if she wanted to. But it wasn’t just that. She wanted someone to talk to, someone to laugh with, someone who’d be there for her when she needed a friend …
You have that already.
…someone to snuggle up to at the end of the day, to listen to her bitch about it if it had been a bad one…
Okay, so maybe you don’t have that…
She sighed.
Jack was a really nice guy. Smart, funny, good-looking - and she’d had a great time with him. They’d gone for drinks and then progressed to dinner at her favorite Italian restaurant. He’d been attentive, seemed genuinely interested in her and at the end of the evening, after he’d seen her home, hadn’t tried to inveigle himself an invitation “up for coffee”. (She couldn’t help but smile at that. Josh had to get his own coffee even when he was at her apartment – but then, he wasn’t her …) No – Jack had been the perfect gentleman.
So what are you complaining about?
Exactly.
She’d met a nice guy, a guy she could perhaps see herself having a future with. She should be basking in the glow … not lying here tossing and turning in the early hours of the morning.
But…
She turned into the pillow again, and squeezed her eyes shut. Although Jack hadn’t tried to get her into bed, he’d certainly thought that a goodnight kiss had been in order – a proper one – not just a peck on the cheek. And it had been a nice kiss… a good kiss, even. Not sloppy, just the right amount of tongue – he clearly knew what he was doing, which boded well.
But…
She sighed. Again.
But nothing. No butterflies… no intensity, none of that… stomach-churning giddiness you should feel when you’re kissing a man you like for the first time.
And she did like him. She really, really did. Those things she wanted – comfort, companionship, stability - the things in a relationship that were about more than just sex – she was sure she could have them with him.
But…
But did she really want them – with him? She’d spent the better part of the past five years trying to find another man who could induce that kind of sensation in her and had so far had no success whatsoever. Sure – she’d been out with nice men, interesting men (despite what Josh had to say on the subject) – even slept with some of them, but none of them had turned her insides to mush or her knees to jelly with little more than a look or a smile.
You’re a sap!
And still wide awake.
1:32 am.
Hm. Something else was bothering her, though; something she couldn’t quite put her finger on.
She thumped the pillow again – it was starting to feel like a rock.
Everything had gone so well. Josh hadn’t attempted to get her to stay late, so she’d had time to go home and get ready. Jack had been punctual; they’d gone to a bar in Adams Morgan for a drink or two and had hit it off so well, that he’d asked her to dinner. The conversation had been natural, flowing – fairly unusual for a first date, Donna thought – although she had to admit she’d been a bit thrown when, after they’d finished their salads, Jack had taken a deep breath and asked –
“Look, Donna. I’m having a great time with you – I like you and I’d like to spend some time with you, but I have to ask – am I … getting in the middle of something?”
She blinked at him. What on earth was he talking about?
“In the middle of something?”
“Yes.”
“I don’t understand – what could you possibly be getting “in the middle” of?”
At that moment, the waiter appeared to clear their plates and Jack waited until he’d gone before replying.
“In the middle of you… and Josh.”
“WHAT?” Donna realized she’d practically shrieked that, and hurriedly looked around to see if anyone had noticed. “ Me and..? Oh no! No, no, no, no, no! I mean there’s nothing…” she waved a hand in front of her, and took a gulp of wine. “No – Josh is my boss and my friend – there’s nothing… I mean – NO! Absolutely not!”
Jack nodded and smiled.
“That’s what he said. So that’s okay, then.”
Donna nodded. “Okay, then.” She set her glass down and then she realized what Jack had said. Her head jerked up.
“Wait – you asked him that? Why on earth would you think…?”
The waiter reappeared with their entrees, completely oblivious to the fact that Donna could quite happily have strangled him for causing yet another interruption to her interrogation.
When he’d set their plates down and wished them “Buon appetito”, Donna immediately picked up the conversation.
“Why did you think you might be getting in the middle of something?”
“Well, he…”
“Yes?”
“He just seems to talk about you a lot. I mean, I only met him yesterday after a security briefing, but every conversation we had was about you.”
Donna was taken aback.
Why are you surprised? You asked him to talk to Jack, after all.
“It was?” she asked, in a small voice.
Jack smiled at the stunned expression on her face then frowned as she dropped her head onto her palm and groaned.
“Oh – those damn stories!”
Now Jack just looked puzzled.
Donna moved her hand from her face and started to fiddle with the napkin on her lap.
“I’m sure you must think I’m some kind of crazy person – I’m really not, I’ve just have bad luck and gotten into some embarrassing situations, like with the mail box and the underwear, and…
“Underwear?”
“I – oh God, I thought he’d told you that one!”
Jack grinned. “Er, no – looks like you’re going to have to do that for yourself.”
“It’s a long story….”
“I have time!”
“This is so embarrassing!”
“Nah – I think it’s cute.” As he continued to smile at her, Donna got the distinct impression that… and then the light dawned.
“He DID tell you! Oh, God, I’m going to kill him!”
Jack laughed softly. “Calm down, Donna! It’s not like anything he said changed my mind about wanting to see you tonight.”
There was no answer to that.
Donna turned over again, trying to get comfortable. That didn’t work, and she still didn’t feel sleepy. She was going to be completely wiped at work tomorrow if she didn’t get some sleep soon. Replaying the conversation with Jack in her head again, she tried to remember what he’d said about the stories Josh had told him. That they hadn’t …
Those stories would make me like you…
Donna sat bolt upright in bed.
That was it – that was what had been bugging her!
She scrambled out of bed, slipped on a pair of sneakers, threw on a long coat, grabbed her car keys and headed out.
~<*>~~<*>~~<*>~~<*>~~<*>~~<*>~~<*>~~<*>~
Twenty minutes or so later, Donna stood outside the door to the apartment, and for the first time since leaving her own wondered whether this had been a good idea. She’d been so focused on actually getting here and on running through Josh’s words in her head that she’d completely forgotten to think about what she would say or do once she’d arrived.
Well, you’re here now…nothing ventured, nothing gained.
And now she was channeling her mother.
Right. She knocked lightly on the door…
~<*>~~<*>~~<*>~~<*>~~<*>~~<*>~~<*>~~<*>~
He had fallen asleep on the sofa again, dammit. Why he did that when he had a perfectly good mattress he could sleep on at night, he’d never know. Probably because he didn’t have anyone around to tell him to go to bed when he got to the point of being too tired to think straight. No one to remind him that he may think that he was only going to close his eyes for a second before going to bed, but that that second would go on for hours and before he knew it, he’d spent half the night on the sofa. This would never happen if Donna lived…
Whoa… Don’t go there, man!
Yeah. Especially now. She’s on a date… Well, she was on a date. It was almost two… she had better not still be with Sailor Jack!
There you go again.
Rubbing his hands over his face, Josh got up and started shedding clothes as he made his way to the bathroom until he was down to his boxers and white t-shirt.
He had to face facts, he thought as he began to brush his teeth. This guy looked like he was going to be around a while. Which was no big deal. Donna had had boyfriends before. There was that attorney from Meyer & Franklin last year. Jerry… Gary… something like that. He’d been able to be perfectly civil.
But you had a girlfriend back then. You don’t now.
Like he needed the reminder of how long it had been since he’d last had sex. Okay… he was going to have to stop this train of thought if he ever wanted to get back to sleep.
He crawled into bed and had just pulled a pillow over his face when there was a knock at the door.
Damn.
This job was going to kill him. Though it was strange that his pager hadn’t gone off and his phone wasn’t ringing off the hook. Maybe it wasn't that important. Maybe if he just kept still they’d go away.
The knocking resumed… louder and more insistent than before. With a heavy sigh, he threw the covers off and padded his way to the front door.
“Yeah, yeah, yeah, I’m up…”
He swung the door open and Donna breezed past him into the apartment, leaving him standing there looking dazedly out into the hall. Of all things that could have happened, that was just about the last thing he was expecting.
When she got to the middle of the room, Donna stopped and turned around. Josh finally kicked himself into gear and closed the door, shuffling back into the room, rubbing the back of his neck in confusion.
“Donna? It’s the middle of the night. What the hell..?” His voice tailed off, concern snapping him awake and he moved quickly to stand in front of her, placing a hand on her shoulder. “Donna – has something happened? Are you alright?”
“Yes, I’m fine, nothing’s happened - and it’s 2am.”
He dropped his hand. “Hang on – nothing’s happened?”
“Well… nothing as such, but…”
“And you felt the need to come and tell me that at 2am? It couldn’t have waited until morning?”
“It is morning, Josh.”
“Hardly!” He collapsed down onto the sofa and scrubbed a hand across his face.
“So why are you here?”
Donna watched him, her arms folded across her chest.
“What did you mean when you said that the stories you told Jack would have made you like me?”
“What?” Josh’s head snapped up, his eyes wide.
“What did you mean when you said –“
“I heard you the first time; I just couldn’t believe you came over here at 2am to ask me such a dumb question!”
“It’s a perfectly reasonable question!”
“No, it’s not!”
Donna just glared at him.
He sighed, resignedly.
“Let me get this straight. You've come over here at 2am, waking me up from my well deserved 4 hours sleep to ask me to explain something I can't even remember saying 12 hours ago?” He was uncomfortably aware that he’d practically squeaked out that last bit.
“I left at eight, Josh, don’t exaggerate!”
“Oh, I feel so much better now!”
“Josh!”
“What was the question again?”
“JOSH!”
He threw his hands out to the side.
“Why is this so important?”
“I couldn’t sleep!”
“Oh, so since you couldn’t sleep, you decided I can’t sleep either?”
He stood up and walked to the end of the sofa… and back… and …
“You told Jack some stupid stories about me and then told me that those stories would make you like me.”
Josh stopped pacing and scratched the back of his head.
“I did?” he said, the expression on his face clearly showing that he wished this conversation was over.
Donna almost – almost – took pity on him. She always found Josh hard to resist when he looked like the kid who’d been caught with his hand in the cookie jar, but she’d come over here looking for answers and she was determined to get them.
“Those stories weren't stupid,” Josh said quietly.
Donna flopped down onto the sofa and dropped her head into her hands.
“They made me sound like an idiot.”
“You're not an idiot... or at least I didn’t think so... but right now I'm beginning to have my doubts -”
Donna’s head snapped up. “I swear to God, Josh, if I had a motherboard right now, I’d-”
He held his hands up in front of him.
“What the hell do you want from me, Donna? I mean he asked you out, didn’t he? That was what you wanted, right?”
She jumped up and spun around to face him.
“Yes! But not like - I mean- not because he thought I was some kind of crazy person and took pity on me!”
Josh snorted.
“You realize you’re making no sense whatsoever, right?”
Donna glared at him and swept back her coat to put her hands on her hips.
“What?” she demanded. She could see the muscles in Josh’s jaw working in that way they did when he was trying not to laugh.
He cleared his throat… but was unable to prevent the huge grin which was working its way across his face.
“Um, Donna? You came half way across town in the early hours of the morning to yell at me for no good reason… dressed like THAT?”
She looked down. Oh, God…
Josh continued to grin at her and folded his arms across his chest.
“Would you like to tell me why there are dancing cows on your pajamas? And why they’re wearing tutus?”
She narrowed her eyes.
“You tell me, Josh, you’re the one who wanted to be a ballerina!”
He flung his arms out again.
“I was four! You’re thirty!”
“You’re the only one who gets to act immature for your age?”
“At least I don’t have pajamas with cows on them!”
“Says the man who wears Scooby-Doo boxers!”
Josh continued to look smug.
"It always pays to meet with the Republican leadership knowing something they don't!"
“Yeah, well if you don't answer my question, you could find they have insider information the next time you meet with them!”
“You’d really be willing to explain how you found out about my boxers?” he grinned, completely unfazed.
Donna arched an eyebrow. “I think it would be more effective if I didn’t!”
He opened his mouth to speak, then closed it again.
Well… Josh Lyman at a loss for words. I really must do this more often.
“So…” Donna persisted. “What did you mean?”
He sighed resignedly and scratched his head. “I thought those stories were sweet, is all…”
“You might think so Josh, but you already know me. What if you didn’t? Why would they make you like me?”
“I told you why – they’re endearing.”
“So did they make you like me?”
His voice went up half an octave and he threw up his hands again. “I was talking in the abstract!”
“No you weren’t – did they make you like me?”
“No.”
“So you lied?”
“No – I already liked you.” He sniffed and ran a hand through his hair again. If it had been untidy before, now it was beyond redemption. “Before I heard the stories, I mean.”
“I know you did,” Donna said quietly. “But this is a guy I was interested in… romantically.”
Josh looked up and shot her a small grin.
“Oh, shut up – you know what I mean!”
“Rarely.”
“Would those stories… would they make you … like me, like that?”
Josh looked at the floor and mumbled. “I have no idea.”
She took a step closer to him.
“Well, if those stories made Jack like me… now I need some stories about him.”
“What?”
Donna sighed. “Stories to make me like him.”
Josh frowned. “You don't like him?”
“Oh, no – I mean, yes, I do like him. I just don't know if I like him, like him.”
His eyebrows shot up. “We're out of Kindergarten now, right? Or were you hoping he was gonna carry your books home?”
Donna slapped him on the arm, playfully and smiled at him.
“Well, I am wearing cow jammies.”
Josh smirked. “Bet the boys at Kindergarten didn't get to see those!”
This time she slapped harder.
“Ow!”
Josh rubbed his arm. “Donna? Why are you here?” he said, softly.
She shook her head and sat down again.
“I don’t know… I mean, here's this guy. This cute, successful, interesting, nice guy who’s interested in me. And I like him, I really do.”
“But?”
“But... I'm here with you, wearing cow jammies instead of ... somewhere else... with him... not...”
“…wearing cow jammies?”
Donna nodded. “Exactly.”
Josh sat down, too and both of them stared off into the distance for a few seconds, a companionable silence surrounding them.
Josh turned towards her. “So… you’d be wearing what, exactly?”
Donna didn’t even try not to hurt him this time.
“Ow! Geez, you’re violent late at night!”
Donna sighed heavily, realizing she suddenly felt quite empty. She usually enjoyed these sparring sessions with Josh, but this one had started to go downhill and she was finally starting to feel tired.
She pushed herself up off the sofa and walked towards the door.
“You know what?” she said, almost to herself, “this was stupid. I should've known better than to think I'd get a straight answer.”
Josh threw up his hands and walked over to stand in front of her.
“I don’t know what it is you want from me, Donna! You asked me to talk to the guy – I talked to him! He asked you out, which was what I thought you wanted-” he was almost shouting now, standing so close to her that she could feel the irritation radiating off him.
“You want a straight answer? This is so… you know, if you… Maybe if I got a straight question, I could give you a straight answer!” He spun round and walked away from her, to the other side of the room.
That was the last straw. She’d come over here ready to put herself out on a limb – but he had to be prepared to so the same. And he clearly wasn’t.
“No, you won't,” she yelled back. “Because you never do!”
He turned to face her. “Try me!”
“Why would those stories make you like me?!”
“They didn’t!”
“Are you really that stupid? That’s not what I’m asking!”
“Then what are you asking, Donna, because I sure as hell don’t know!”
He’d walked back over to her now, and was standing in front of her, annoyance, confusion and… something she couldn’t identify flashing across his face.
Suddenly Donna registered that he was breathing heavily with the effort of yelling – and so was she. Although if she were truthful, she knew it wasn’t just because of the yelling, not for her. It was him – his proximity, his presence – dammit, it had always been this way and it wasn’t fair. When what he’d said earlier about the stories had really sunk in, she’d thought that maybe, just maybe he’d begun to acknowledge that there was or could be something between them. The way he looked at her – oh, she’d noticed how… hungrily … he seemed to look at her sometimes, - it was enough to make her head spin and start the butterflies whirling around in the pit of her stomach. She loved it … and she hated it. Loved the way it made her feel, as if she were beautiful, desirable… and hated it because after that came the sinking feeling that nothing was ever going to come of it, and she’d made the colossal mistake of falling for the wrong man. Again.
But… he’s not the wrong man. And you know it.
Donna raised her eyes to his – and immediately felt as if something in the air between them had ignited. For a split second, neither of them moved and the only thing she could see was the intense look on his face as his eyes held hers and the only thing she could hear was the sound of their ragged breathing – then she found herself in his arms, pulled flush against his body, her hands in his hair, her tongue in his mouth, his in hers, his hands all over her, in her hair, on her back, on her ass… this was how it was supposed to feel the first time you kissed a man you liked… heady, stomach churning, almost overwhelming. She heard him groan, a little sound in the back of his throat as he pulled her to him even tighter, his mouth warm and firm on hers and she knew, she’d always known that this was what kissing Josh would be like.
~<*>~~<*>~~<*>~~<*>~~<*>~~<*>~~<*>~~<*>~
For his part, Josh was just trying to recover from the fact that Donnatella Moss was actually kissing him. She had her hands on him and her mouth was hot against his and she was letting him put his hands wherever he wanted and enjoying every second of it, if those sounds she was making were any indication.
He wondered why the hell he hadn’t done this before. It wasn’t as though he hadn’t had plenty of opportunities. He saw her every day. They worked together, after all. Why did he deny..? Oh yeah. He needed to think about what they were going to do about that later. But right now, all he wanted to think about was what he was going to do to Donna once they moved beyond the kissing!
Then, Donna let her hands fall from his hair to cup his jaw and did something with her tongue that made him forget to think at all.
He had no point of reference for this. There was nothing in his life that could ever have prepared him for being kissed by Donna Moss. She was rewriting all his definitions, stealing his words… put simply, kissing him like he'd never been kissed before.
~<*>~~<*>~~<*>~~<*>~~<*>~~<*>~~<*>~~<*>~
Wait… kissing Josh… Oh, God…
Wrenching her lips from his, Donna immediately took a step back, her hand fluttering to her mouth.
What the hell was that?
~<*>~~<*>~~<*>~~<*>~~<*>~~<*>~~<*>~~<*>~
And then she wasn't.
He stared at her. She wasn’t kissing him anymore. Why wasn’t she kissing him anymore? There was no earthly reason why she should have ever stopped kissing him in the first place, so why the hell—? Damn, he just wanted her to kiss him again. Maybe she’d let him kiss her instead. But she’d stopped. He must be missing something here. If he could only get his brain to work, maybe he could figure out how to get her to start kissing him again…
~<*>~~<*>~~<*>~~<*>~~<*>~~<*>~~<*>~~<*>~
She could see Josh’s chest rising and falling as he sucked in air – Donna was sure she was doing the same. But the look on his face – he looked as if he didn’t know what had hit him, and whereas on occasion she had been known to find that look adorable, right now all it did was make her want to hit him. He didn’t say a word… didn’t move, just stood there staring at her until she couldn’t stand it any more.
How could he? How could he…DO that and then just…
“Okay. Fine,” Donna spun on her heel and walked out, slamming the door behind her.
~<*>~~<*>~~<*>~~<*>~~<*>~~<*>~~<*>~~<*>~
But then she was gone, the slamming door jarring him out of the fog she had created.
GOD, no! There was no way in HELL she was going to leave him after a kiss like that! He raced for the door….
Is Donna there behind the door? If you think she is, go to Caz’s LJ. If you think she isn’t, go to Quaggy’s.
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I'll definitely be reading both endings. I love this story. Bravo!
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Or a week!
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I used to have one of those books where you could choose the way the story went yourself. I always read all the endings. Me thinks I shall do the same here.
Good going!!!
Although a bit freaky because I am currently watching season 4!
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So, which ending will have the better smut? Eh, who am I kidding? Everyone knows that I'm going to read both....
Thanks for this, honey!
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I'm glad you liked it, hun! I hope you like Part 2 just as much!
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*starts counting on figures to work out whether it's tommorrow yet and in which timezone tommorrow needs to be*
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i love this phrase. makes me think of John Wayne in "Hatari!" - Dallas and Sean and he says something like "you look like a woman who needs to be good and kissed" and just dips her and it's just a great great scene. and from then on, great kiss scenes remind me of that..."good and kissed". (and Bradley's funny John Wayne-esque voice he pulls out several times in Studio 60 might have fueled that particular fire...)
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Thank you so much! Not only did you manage to pick out a line that I did write, it was one that had given me great difficulty. (There is a reason I don't write kissing scenes. I suck at them!) I'm glad to hear that all that hard work was successful!